All about how I learned what money is ACTUALLY for. Hard day. This weekend has been full of wedding drama and craziness. I've been torn between scaling it all back to just a couple of friends and our immediate families, but some people already had reservations out here for our June wedding. So, after much thought and prayer, we're keeping the wedding we planned, just scaling it back, less catering, fewer rentals, more emphasis on the important stuff. Like Jesus. and Case. and our families. :)

So all of that had finally settled down and then my mom calls me.

My granny, one of my favorite people in all the world, has died.

I'm incredulous, because the last time I talked to my dad, she was doing fine. It's just so..sudden. It's hard to believe.

I'm trying hard not to stay filled to the brim with blame and self-loathing. Why didn't I call them more? Why didn't I go see them more while I was in college, living just four hours away? These are questions that remain. I know that she, in her infinite graciousness, understood that I was busy, with photojournalism and teachers and newspaper jobs and Case and California. But that still doesn't make me feel like less of a jerk.

What does it mean to live a life without regrets? If anybody has ideas, clue me in. I'm not off to a great start.

So. Jim (my awesome boss) and Gretchen (the lady I nanny for) and Chris and Katie (the other people I love dearly and also work for) have graciously let me go, travel back to my family in the dear and familiar south.

God's hand of providence was made clear to me soon after I learned what happened. I have been saving up for an apartment of my own, and Case eventually, and was putting that money aside to move out. I was so excited at the amount and it was actually looking like I'd be able to go soon. And then the news from this morning hit, and I knew that I needed to go home and say goodbye to my beloved granny. And after taxes, and everything, the ticket came within $40 of what I had saved up. Amazing. The Lord knew I needed that money, just not in the way I thought I needed it.

Also, in the midst of all of this sadness, I will get to see my dear family and Kentucky BFF. Whooo! Hugs. I need their hugs. Bad.
I'm leaving Wednesday from LA and get into Nashville in the p.m. All you Nashville peeps! I want to see you! Lord knows when I'll have a chance to come back again. :)

Okay, I'm off to pack and go to sleep. Prayers.